I am sad and emotional today. I have reasons but I really don't know that I have reasons. The empath in me is soaking up everything around me and it's hard to not be dragged down.
I know that Nathan is going through a difficult time and he won't come to me and talk to me. This is hurting me more than I let on. I know he is 26 and is an adult but I worry that he might resort to cutting again. He finally got his license and Larissa is helping him get a car. Thank goodness for Larissa. She is my rock. But Nathan doesn't know how to handle what is going on at work and because of all his diagnosis' he is constantly on this emotional rollercoaster. I swear he has a level of bi-polar from his dad.
CJ just got the job at Taco Bell. I am so happy for him. I am tired of defending him to everyone around me though...including Jose. Why are we now fighting about CJ now that he is 18.
I worry about Larissa and her relationship with TJ. Everyone has issues and I never want to get in the way of their relationship. They have a great family together but some things they have between them, I don't know that they can get past. His family excluding our family. Him putting his family before ours each time. His relationship with Jackie seems to have simmered but will there be someone else. His inability to help her with everything.
Which brings me to Rob. I would have thought that we would finally be in a place where he can financially help me more but here we are. I know it's a conversation that I need to have with him but I just wanted him to bring it up because he knows he should. That's the funny thing about male and female relationships. Men really are from Mars and Woman are from Venus. We speak such different languages.
I hate where we are at with Bailey still. I keep saying when she gets older that it will be different but will it? I don't know if I should get involved or step back.
The situation with Lena and the kids is completely different now. I don't hear from her at all. We fully take care of the kids. Rob does their laundry, he picks up Maddie and drops her off everywhere. He pays for her trips and clothes and sports. We pretty much act like she does not exist, except that they spend the majority of the sleeping days with her which really blows.
CJ and Robbie are both 18 and yet they both keep their sleeping schedules as it was. It's interesting to see. I think that they both need the structure. Same days at moms and same days at dads.
I understand the situation that Maddie is in. I feel for her because she still has 5 years ahead of her before she turns 18. I have no idea where she will be at that point.
And then lets talk about work...ugh. I am desperately trying to keep up my spirits for the TEAM that needs me. My TEAM. But the sinking feeling in me is taking over. The uncertainty of this place and the lies are driving me crazy.
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